Is there anything worse than isolation? Solitary confinement remains the worst punishment for an adult; time out is the worst for many children. Betrayal, ridicule, shame, gossip—their power is in how they distance us from others.

Being misunderstood or not known is a low-grade version of aloneness. “You don’t understand me—you don’t know me” is so common that we forget how much it hurts. Divorce after unfaithfulness is a result less of the adultery itself and more of the injured spouse feeling unknown or misunderstood in the relationship…

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