Have you ever wished you could disciple others the way the Apostle Paul did? What if there was a way to listen in as he counseled someone so we could learn his methods and emulate them with those to whom we minister? The truth is we can do that. The Holy Spirit has given us just such an opportunity to eavesdrop – it’s called the Book of Philemon.

Philemon is a personal letter from Paul that gives us a glimpse of his ministry style when dealing with individuals. Though Paul often speaks of and to individuals in his letters, Philemon is the only example we have from Paul dedicated to addressing an individual about a personal issue of Christian discipleship. As such we can learn much about ministering to others from studying Philemon.

Before asking Philemon to do anything, Paul reminds him of his love and care for him (Vv. 1-7)

Discipleship should flow out of our love for the other person. Discipleship is teaching but it’s never purely academic, never just a transfer of information. It is an active expression of our love for the one being discipled. Therefore, we should be sure those to whom we minister know we care for them and that we have their best interest at heart before we give counsel. This is a step I often forget when dealing with my children. It’s easy to assume they know I am acting out of love and jump right to the solution or the issue at hand. Don’t make that assumption. Always preface your counsel with a reminder of why you are concerned about them – because you love them and want God’s best for them.

Paul doesn’t rely on the authority of his office to get Philemon to do what he needs to do. (Vv. 8-16)

While there are times, especially with our children, when ‘because I said so’ is appropriate, it should not be our default approach. Many times we will have no authority over the person we’re discipling. It may just be a friend in need of godly counsel. We must learn to rely on the Word of God and the Holy Spirit to do the convincing. Paul’s approach was to remind Philemon of their history together as believers and to point out the Biblical truth that Onesimus was now his brother in Christ and should be treated as such.

Paul is willing to be part of the solution. (Vv. 17-21)

Paul not only tells Philemon what should be done but he is willing to inconvenience himself if necessary to help Philemon do it. He offers to assume any debts Onesimus may have incurred if that will help Philemon do the right thing. Sometimes just letting a person know you’re there for them will give them the courage to step up and make the right decision. Other times, there may be real barriers to them doing the right thing. If you can help remove those barriers without making matters worse or doing something that would cause you (or them) to violate God’s word – do it! Show them you’re committed enough to them and to the truth you’ve shared with them that you’ll invest some of yourself in the solution.

Paul reminds Philemon of his commitment to their relationship. (Vv. 22-25)

Paul asks Philemon to prepare a guest room for him before knowing how Philemon will respond to his request. Don’t make your relationship with the person contingent upon them taking your advice (I can think of some circumstances where you may have to do that but not as a general rule). Remind them, as Paul does of your hope for the future of the relationship and of the other believers within the church who are partnered with them in working for the advancement of the Kingdom. In other words, remind them they are not alone as they seek to follow the Lord but are striving along with others in the church to do that which pleases the Lord.

So did Paul’s approach work? Though we don’t have an inspired record, there are historical accounts that claim Philemon set Onesimus free and that he (Onesimus) later became a pastor at Berea and was a martyr for the faith. We never know when we take the time to invest in someone’s life not only what the benefit will be to them but what benefit to the Kingdom may result as well.