Maybe you have heard that Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony filed for divorce after seven years of marriage. Lopez said that she was “compromising” herself by continuing in the marriage. Jennifer tells Vanity Fair that Anthony was not good for her because she was not being fulfilled in loving herself:
“It’s not that I didn’t love myself before. Sometimes we don’t realize that we are compromising ourselves,” she says. “To understand that a person is not good for you, or that that person is not treating you in the right way, or that he is not doing the right thing for himself—if I stay, then I am not doing the right thing for me. I love myself enough to walk away from that now.”
Lopez seems to imply that her growth in the ability to love herself more was actually the impetus for filing for divorce. In other words, the ascension of Lopez to a higher level of self-love actually provided for her the freedom to divorce and abandon her commitment of marriage to Anthony (as well as providing for her children a healthy family unit structure).
Lopez goes on to express that, “This was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to face. I really wanted this family to work.” “That was my biggest dream, and I really worked hard at it. We both did.” “I believe in love,” Lopez says. “It’s still my biggest dream. I am positive—determined to move forward with my life, bring up my babies, and do the best job I can as a mother, entertainer, and person. I now look forward to new challenges. I feel strong.”
These words are sad words to read because Jennifer Lopez is blind to the reality that her view of love and marriage is a toxic brew of self-love and idolatry. The way Jennifer views her “needs” as paramount and the way she defines love will NEVER be fulfilled by another person.
Notice the self-oriented tone in the final part of her interview with Vanity Fair:
“I will always respect Marc as a singer and performer. We actually work great together, and he was always very supportive. Together we could make magic—and we did. He will always be in our lives. He will always hold a special place in my heart as the father of my children.”
Did you notice how Marc is now relegated in significance according to the proportion to his support of Jennifer’s future? Notice the personal pronouns: “He will always be in our lives.” “My heart.” “My children.” Lopez’ tone gives you the impression that Anthony is now something less than a father to “her” children. Tragic. Jennifer is looking for love in all the wrong places because she defines love in relation to her “wants” masquerading as “needs.” Paul David Tripp in the book, What Did You Expect, Redeeming the Realities of Marriage helps us understand the difference between self-love and true love.
It is self-love that hates indifference. It is self-love that makes you impatient. It is self-love that makes you want your own way. If is self-love that convinces you that your way is the right way. It is self-love that makes winning more attractive than unity. Love celebrates who God made the other person to be. Love celebrates the grace of change that operates in the middle of difficulty of difference. Loves prizes unity and is willing to make sacrifices to achieve it. Love turns difference into an opportunity to experience a deeper fuller unity. Love isn’t impatient, and it does not walk away. Love perseveres. Love stays active until what God has planned becomes your actual experience. Love listens, works, and waits. Unity happens when love intersects with difference.
Jennifer is in for a shocking reality check as her kids get older. Assuming she raises them with the same world-view, there will come a time in which the actions of Jennifer will interfere with the “self-love” she instills in her children. When that happens you will know about it because every newspaper in America will tell you about it. Jennifer will soon receive an ice-cold slap in the face that to live as a family with self-love is to live a nightmare. What she thinks is freedom and self-fulfillment now will soon become bewilderment and anger at the disrespectful and rebellious “self-love” that her children will display.
I find it ironic that while Jennifer was in the midst of divorcing Anthony that she was signing up to be a judge on next season’s “American Idol.” Pray that God will rescue Jennifer from herself. Pray that God would convict her of rebellion and sin toward Him and that she would see that Jesus as glorious and satisfying.
If you are a follower of Christ, thank God that He has rescued you from yourself. Thank Him for changing you and ask Him to change you all the more. It is only due to God’s grace that we have been set free from the bonds of self-love. If it weren’t for Jesus, we too would be looking for love in all the wrong places.
Wow! I find it amazing how she is able to portray this pursuit of self-love as a noble honorable and courageous action. It saddens me greatly to see such hubris masquerading as sacrificial duty. But, as I am quick to say, there but for the grace of God go I. I am no better, no more enlightened, and no more humble that JLo. If it weren’t for my God removing the blinders that the god of this world had in place on me, I would never have seen the light of the Gospel of the glory of Jesus Christ-the very image of God! It is this light that allows us to deny ourselves in the face of such magnificent glory and splendor….something no amount of soul-searching will ever provide.
Without having viewed a single interview I can reliably imagine those sympathetic nods, “yes’s, ahww you sweet thing, right right” from the media that will justify the final fracturing of God only knows how many marriages in tension.
Rom.1 31-32 Ruthless… Though they know God’s decree that those who practice such things deserve to die, they not only do them but give approval to those who practice them.
Thank you Jesus for changing me and I fearfully and humbly ask You to change me all the more.