Along the lines of Dan’s message Sunday, I’m dismayed by the number of parents in our culture who tell their children to do something (or not to do something) and then make no effort to ensure that they are obeyed. This failure to discipline (by demanding obedience and respect) is an act of “hatred” toward the child (see Prov. 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline him.”)
We do our children an incredible disservice when we allow them to rebel against authority. As a teacher in a Middle School, I have seen (thankfully very few) examples of this type of anti-authoritarian attitude.
My mother and my grandfather instilled in me a strong sense of respect for adults as authority figures I also think playing football had a significant impact on my view of adult authority. It is truly sad to see so many adults that want to be their kid’s friend instead of their parent. When parents do this they shatter the very foundations of society which God has designed.
So think about it parents. Do you let your kids get away with disobedience and disrespect to you? Do they get away with disrespecting and disobeying other adults? I give “props” to Pat Dirrim, Kevin Hosner, Kevin Schultz, and Michael Roache. Each one of these men has a child who has, at one time or another, been disobedient or disrespectful to me when I spoke to them. When I told them about the situation the response was swift, severe and effective. I look forward to watching these boys grow up! I hope that when my children do the same that I can respond in an equally effective way. It will take your help!
The Holy Spirit working in an equipped parent can to amazing things. Parenting in the flesh is just plain frustrating.
Thanks for the props Ken. I’d like to clarify your statement a little. I hope the response I gave was swift, appropriate, and effective. It would be the overly severe response that leads to exasperating the child.
I recommend “Shepherding a Child’s Heart” by Ted Tripp to anyone looking for biblical guidance and effective techniques in parenting.
Another recommended book is “Don’t Make Me Count to Three” by Ginger Plowman. It is a great resource for parenting with many practical examples, all of which direct us straight to scripture. It helps with Heart Probing Questions, Reproof, Encouragement and Scripture.
Cyndy, thanks for jumping in. I think that was one of my biggest mistakes early on in parenting–and that was simply emulating how I was raised–the whole “counting to three” thing.
It pretty much allows for two solid seconds of parent-sanctioned defiance. The expectation should be immediate obedience. Now we learned from Tripp’s book (that Kevin recommends) to allow for negotiation ONLY after obedience has begun and then it must be respectful.
I have, many times, recognized my own unreasonable demands after respectful negotiations from my children. This is important and you MUST admit your failings and even apologize to your kids when you are too harsh.
Yeah, that’s a good point. We allow our children to make an appeal once they have shown that they are willing to obey despite the success or failure of the appeal. That upholds our authority while allowing them to get a fair hearing. Of course, occasionally we will impose our privilege of cutting off the appeal without listening to it completely. (That way it cannot be abused as a stalling tactic, and some commands are simple and not worthy of listening to an appeal.) The appeal process is not a ‘right’ of the child but something that we choose to extend.
Ken, I realize that one of the hallmarks of our fellowship has been an increased sense of accountability. This is a very good thing, in my opinion. I would like to offer that if we as a body of believers hold accountability as essential, that accountability MUST extend to our children. (I believe you covered this here)
My point is that I fully expect you to demand respect of my children, and want to know of any violations that you observe. I believe this is an essential part of our mutual accountability.