The following are real life typos and grammar slips on resumes:

“Suspected to graduate early next year.”

“Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets.”

“Proven ability to track down and correct erors.”

“Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department.”

“Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer.”

“I am a rabid typist.”

“Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.”

“Work History: Performed brain wave tests, 1879-1981.”

“After receiving advice from several different angels, I have decided to pursue a new line of work.”

“Accounting cleric.”

“As indicted, I have over five years of experience analyzing investments.”

“Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details.”

“Accomplishments: Completed 11 years of high school.”