The New Year is a time of change. It is a specific time of change that we like to call “resolution(s).” In an attempt furnish perspective to the visions of grandeur that some may have regarding new workout regiments; I offer the following:

1. I joined a health club last year, spent about 400 bucks. Haven’t lost a pound. Apparently, you have to show up.

2. If we were meant to touch our toes, he would have put them further up our body.

3. If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

4. I don’t jog. It makes the ice jump right out of my glass.

5. I have to exercise early in the morning before my brain figures out what I’m doing.