In yesterday’s teaching I mentioned that the men who went on our retreat, this past weekend, enjoyed a relational connection that is impossible to match during our weekly church meeting times. I consulted my person computer (a.k.a. Kevin Hosner) and we figured out the following: a man, averaging 10 minutes each Sunday in conversation(99% of the time regarding surface items – “hey, how’s work”), would require 132 weeks to accomplish the interaction we enjoyed this past weekend! Not to mention the fact that (as we used the sea-do, ski-boats, caught the frisbee and football while jumping off the dock, etc.) we were able explore facets and dimensions of life/personalities that would be impossible in the context of a safe-church environment.
Is this one more way the world is geared to separate and isolate? Have we gotten so busy that meaningful time is unknown to us since we are too busy for it to even register? Have we lost the ability to recognize the value of concentrated time together? As men who want to lead our families to be God-centered, we must not let the world “conform” us by dictating our priorities. We must move beyond the simple, “how is work” to the more meaningful, “how are you?”
Am I off-base or on-target?
Remember: If the Devil can’t make you bad he’ll make you busy.
Concentrated time is definitely good because we are able to get to know each other and build a greater sense of community.
It’s still far to easy to play the “I’m fine” card no matter what questions we are asked in the often hectic but happy setting of Sunday morning though. Getting together outside of Sunday AM and getting past the small talk is the key.
Just like being intentional about time with your wife & kids, you have to be intentional about time with other guys or before you know it, it’s been a month or two since you last talked to any of your friends – assuming you’ve made time to have any. ;^)
The “how’s work” question is easy to ask because it’s rigged. If you went into details the listener would get bored and you would waste everyone’s time. So we stay surface level saying things like, “Going good”, “same old, same old”, and “things are busy”.
Actually, the more Kingdom minded I become, the more I hate to talk about work as it benefits no one. I mean, do you really want to hear about scrubing data to isolate duplicate Federal Tax IDs of vendors in a database?
David – I am actually fond of scrubbing data and would like to hear more about it the next time we eat lunch together.
Yeah, yeah. Eric already started pretending like he was all into scrubbing data and vendor Federal Tax IDs.
I just think about how guys become so involved in their job that it becomes a part of our identity. We consume ourselves with thoughts of Territory Distribution, Unit of Measure, and TP Reports. Things that won’t mean much when we get layed off by companies that don’t care a hill of beans about us, we die, or it all burns in the end.
Vanity, vanity…
To further push this off on a tangent… While I agree that we should not gain our identity (or ultimate meaning) from our work, I think we can go too far in the other direction if see no value in it. God designed us to work, and we honor Him when we provide some value to our fellow man (i.e. work).
Also, it’s hard enough for a lot of us guys to get started in a conversation; so, talk about what we do for a living can be an easy starting point. “So, Joe. What do you do for a living?” is still better than a passing “How are you?” But, yes, we need to progress beyond that with at least some people in our lives.
The problem is we spend more time and energy on work than any other single thing — probably the typical situation is that 1/3 of our week is work-oriented; hopefully another third is spent sleeping.
In the remaining one-third of our week, we need to get the kids to bed, take out the trash, clean the dishes, mow the lawn, “do church,” eat, exercise, and nurture our relationships with God, our families, and our friends — in other words, “have a life.”
Are we living lives in that other 1/3 that create subject matter worth talking about? Or do we just flip on the tube, surf the web, and play with our toys? If that’s what you’re doing, why? Too tired? Don’t know what else to do?
If every last minute of the day is spoken for (and it usually is), when is there time to go deep with people? You can’t just drop two guys into a situation and say “okay… BOND!”
I remember from Economics class how it’s a good thing to have some level of unemployment, or else there wouldn’t be anybody to hire when you have too much to do. I think it’s the same way here… it’s a good thing to have some idle time, because without it, you’ll never escape the little rat-race you’re stuck in…
Easier said than done, but I’ll figure out a way to do it… later. I’m too busy right now. *sigh*
Richard Swenson calls this Margin.
I haven’t read the book, but a former pastor of mine was a big proponent of the ideas in this book. It makes a lot of sense. If you schedule (or over-schedule) your life without any margin, you will not be available to have that spontaneous conversation with your neighbor or be there when someone needs help. And then there is the general fatigue factor with always playing catch-up all the time.
I totally believe this to be true. The problem is that men can sometimes wear business like a badge of honor. I know that often people in ministry even feel guilty if any type of “margin” is in their life because they are concerned that those who attend church will think they are lazy. Or, if they worked harder the church would grow more.
Also, I think there are men who work hard because they don’t want to be at home. It’s easier to have a profession that work at a relationship. Are we saying that margin is optional or necessary for a God-centered life and, therefore, and issue of sin if we do not develop it?
I wouldn’t say it is necessary but it sure removes a lot of the excuses we use for not doing what’s right. I think about the story of the good Samaritan and how he could have easily said he didn’t have the time to stop or the extra cash to pay this guy’s expenses. I think it’s more about the idea of being READY to do what’s right.
I also think about how many times I use those same excuses.
This is my first blogging attempt at Grace so hopefully this will get out there OK.
This one critical issue has been on my heart for many years as I have tried to unsuccessfully break through the barriers that others have put up in their lives. The main problem in the past was that the leadership in those situations was also putting up their own walls and having their own “pose”. Most people in the church today, especially men, are not comfortable opening up to others about their lives. Mainly because of sin and other bad “habits” that they are ashamed of or don’t want others to know about. Hey, I’m there too in some things and want to be real! As the guy used to say on Saturday Night Live….”get to know me!”
Building lasting relationships/friendships where men can be honest with each other and transparent is the only way a church “Body” can be genuinely healthy. From our past experiences in “church hell” this one focus is missing from 99% of the churches out there today, and have been replaced by getting everyone involved in the “program” or constant evangelistic outreaches. Keep busy so you will forget about your problems! So Sad but true.
I ask you how can we reach out to the lost when we don’t even care to know the person that has been sitting in the row in front of us on Sunday mornings for weeks and months? Thank the Lord for the leadership at Grace as they truly see the importance of “building and encouraging” the local Body of Christ. Let’s bear one another’s burdens and be a light to the world. “iron sharpening iron” It’s all Biblical so don’t listen to those who will tell you that a local body that spends lots of time together is nothing more than a “Christian County Club”. When dealing with issues of spiritual relevance and sin in each others lives, we are doing exactly what the Bible teaches!